link ads

Archive | JOKES N BLOGS

Love Story, Pinoy style

Posted on 18 August 2010 by Txtmanila

Another little gem that hit my mailbox.

A very nice “story” in a charming literary style that only pinoys can weld.

Here goes:

—————
Sequel to A Love Story

It was jazz an ordinary day. The skies were clear, the birds were chipping. Ang ganda-ganda ng araw!

Nasa SM ako noon at katatapos ko lang mamili ng groceries. Timing naman nasa foodcore si Angel Locsin, nagpro-provoke ng movie nya. Grabe, andaming fans, pull-packed talaga! Dahil fans nya rin ako, nakipila rin ako.

Then suddenly, out of the loo, may bumulong sa akin ng: “Indaaaayyyy……”

Huh? It sounded like a familiar sound. Who can it be now? “Dodong!” sigaw ko.

Napalakas yata voice ko. Kasi the other fans turned their backs to their behind at napatingin sa amin. Sabi ko “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be loud and proud.” Hinawakan na lang ni Dodong ang kamay ko at lumayo kami from the crowd.

“Kamusta na Inday? Do you come here open? tanong nya.

“Bihira lang, Dodong. I’m just droppings by. Ethnic and schedule ko eh” sabi ko.

Memories came flushing in my mind. How can I forget to remember Dodong? Siya na may mata ni Piolo, dimple ni Aga, at bigote ni Rex Cortez. he’s every woman’s dreamboat. I was just starting my tour of duty kay ate noon nang unang makilala ko si Dodong. Contraction worker siya sa ginagawang bahay sa tapat namin. Naging kami for a while then after that were not an item anymore.

“Tanghali na Inday. What did you say we have lunch together?” tanong ni Dodong. “I don’t mine” sagot ko. Sa restaurant, nilapitan kaagad kami ng waiter. “What’s your odor sir?” Sabi nung waiter kay Dodong.

“Do you have porkshop?” tanong ni Dodong.

“Yes sir” sabi nito. “Our porkshop with a resistance to the teeth of Boast of our chef. Domestic careful selection of pork with little fat of Female liking is used. The exquisite cooking which repeated trial and error and Was completed. it also has healthy vegetables with salad feeling fully” Dagdag niya.

“And you mam?” sabay tingin naman sa akin.

Hmmm… mukhang masarap yung porkshop. Pero I’m cutting down on my carbon kaya pinigilan ko.

“I’ll just have water, thanks. Liquidate diet ako eh.” sagot ko.

Pagkatapos kumain, nagyaya si Dodong manood ng sine. Teka teka, this is going too far. Besides, it’s a long, long way to run.

“Reality chess, Dodong. May asawa na ako, si Jay. As a mother of fact, I’m happily married” pagmamalaki ko.

“Di na pwede yung tulad ng dati. Sorry pero I didn’t expect you still have more feelings than I expected. i don’t want you getting the way. Past is fast. Therefore, cause and defect.” dagdag ko pa.

Tumahimik sya. Parang may language barrel na namagitan sa amin. The Seconds that passed seemed like fraternity. Di nagla-on, nagsalita na rin sya.

“I don’t care less!” sigaw ni Dodong.

Shocks, give me a brake! The nerd ng taong ito para sigawan ako! To Think it’s his other woman that caused our separation to part.

Kinabahan na ako. I felt speedbumps all over my body and was having Panic attach. Tinalikuran ko siya at nagmadali akong lumakad palayo. Pero Sumunod pa rin siya like a monkey on my butt. Hanggang sa makakita ako ng Security guard. Biglang nawala si Dodong.

“Excuse me kuya, pwedeng magtanong?” sabi ko sa mamang guard.

“Of course miss, I can help you with my pleasure.” sagot niya.

“Saan po ba ang exit? Could you point me to the right erection? I got Lost in my eyes.”

“Diretso lang.” sabi niya. “Then turn right anytime with care.”

“Thanks for your corporation” sabi ko.

Buti na lang nandun si kuya. Pero saglit lang, I smell something peachy. As I turned, nakita ko na namang nakasunod si Dodong! Delaying static lang pala kanina ang pag disappear nya.

“Nyahahaha! You can run but you can hide, Inday. No matter where you go, there you are!” pananakot nya.

Oh no, is this the end? This is too much, I feel degradable. My world started falling afar.

Then suddenly, Jay come from behind! Dodong was caught to the act! In the matter of minute, it’s all over. I’m out of arm’s way.

“Thanks Jay, my love. But how did you?” bago pa man ako matapos, sabi niya:

“I was in the neighborhood. Fans din ako ni Angel eh. I heard you shout But at first I didn’t give it a thought. Pero nang makita ko kayong magkahawak ng holding hands, then i give it a thought. I know something is a missed.”

From then on, Dodong did not brother me again. In fact, he didn’t even sister me. As in platonic at wala na talaga.

Pero kami ni Jay, heto, shoot sailing pa rin ang relationship. Lalo pa ngayon, open na kami sa isa’t-isa at walang exhibitions. i feel I’m on cloud.

———-

Hahaha! Hope you lyk this luv istorya.

Comments Off

In-flight jokes

Posted on 16 August 2010 by Henry

This is one email that I would like to share. Not actually a Filipino joke, but am sure you will also enjoy these jokes too.

The jokes are about Kulula Airline which has its head office situated in Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

——————————————————————–

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”

—o0o—

On another flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

—-o0o—

On landing, the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”

—-o0o—

“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane.”

—o0o—

“Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

—o0o—

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: “Whoa, big fella. WHOA!”

—o0o—

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”

—o0o—

From a Kulula employee: ” Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

—o0o—

“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite.”

—o0o—

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines.”

—-o0o—

“Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

—o0o—

“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses..”

—o0o—

And from the pilot during his welcome message: “Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!”

—o0o—

Heard on a Kulula flight. “Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light ‘em, you can smoke ‘em.”

Comments Off

cheesy banat lines (part 2)

Posted on 13 August 2010 by mariela

  1. I lost my number. Can I have yours?
  2.  I forgot your name. Can I call you mine?
  3.  Pustiso ka ba? Kasi I can’t smile without you.
  4.  Nabibingi ka na ba? Coz my heart has been screaming out your name
    for quite some time now.
  5. Tapos na ba ung exam mo? Para ako naman sagutin mo.
  6. Alam mo ba na scientist ako? At ikaw yung LAB ko.
  7.  May lisensya ka ba? Coz you’re driving me crazy.
  8. May kilala ka bang gumagawa ng relo? May sira ata relo ko. Pag ikaw
    kasi kasama ko, humihinto ang oras ko.
  9.  Aanhin pa ang gravity, kung lagi lang akong mahuhulog sa iyo?
  10. Mahilig ka ba magluto na pancit canton? Kasi pag kasama kita,feeling ko, “LUCKY ME.”
  11.  Am I a bad shooter? Coz I keep on missing you.
  12. Favorite subject mo ba geometry? Kasi kahit anong angle, ang cute mo.
  13. Hindi tayo tao, hindi rin tayo hayop. Bagay tayo! Bagay!!!
  14.  Pwede ba kitang maging sidecar? Kasi single kasi ako!
  15. Pwede ba kitang maging driver? Para ikaw na magpatakbo ng buhay ko.
  16. Nasaan ka kagabi? Wala ka kasi sa panaginip ko.
  17. BOY: Is this seat taken? GIRL: NO, and so am I.

Comments Off

The Best of PinoyJokes available here

Posted on 10 August 2010 by PJ Team

For those who are looking for copies of The Best of PinoyJokes.net, we still have few copies left.

To get your copy, please contact us.

Comments Off

Illustrations at The Best of PinoyJokes.net

Posted on 09 August 2010 by PJ Team

Here are some of the illustrations appearing in our first publication, The Best of PinoyJokes.net. It is a very handy publication (measuring only 4″ wide x 5-1/2″ high) book.

Except for a few copies which are in our possession, the book is now out of print. But, not to worry. We will be printing a new one. It’s going to be thicker and bigger.

Stay tuned!

Comments Off

POKPOK: SAGOT SA KRISIS

Posted on 09 August 2010 by mariela

Ang Pilipinas ay may 40,000 na pok-pok, kumikita sila ng 1000/ day.

Isipin niyo 40,000 x 1000= 40 million,

tapos 40 million x 365 days=14.6 billion / year

IMAGINE? hindi kaya p*kp*k ang sagot sa krisis ng bansa natin?

Comments Off

BELLBOY

Posted on 09 August 2010 by mariela

Sa loob ng hotel aksidenteng nabangga ng bellboy ang suso ng isang magandang guest..

BELLBOY: Ma’am, sorry po kung ang puso niyo ay kasing lambot ng suso niyo, alam  ko pataatwarin mo ako

Sumagot ang magandang guest..

BABAE: Kung kasing tigas naman ng siko mo yang t*t* mo, nasa room 201 lang ako

Comments Off

cheesy banat lines

Posted on 08 August 2010 by mariela

CHEESEY BANAT LINES

1. May Farmville ka ba? Pati kasi puso ko na-harvest mo na eh

2. Sana piso ka na lang at 100 ako, kasi di ako mabubuo ng wala ka

3. Para kang alarm clock, ginising mo ang natutulog kong puso

4. Lumiliit ka yata? Dati kasi lampas ulo kita, ngayon nasa puso na kita

5. May band aid ka ba? Kasi nasugatan ako nang nahulog ako sa?yo

6. Hindi ka ba napapagod? Kasi kanina ka pa takbo ng takbo sa isip ko

7. Are you a dictionary? ?cause you add meaning to my life

More coming…………

Comments Off

The Ungrateful Wife & the Charitable Husband

Posted on 08 August 2010 by Txtmanila

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. And was somewhat upset.

“You are a disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me — a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!”

And the husband replied “Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.”

“Fine, go ahead,” she sobbed, ” but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!”

And the husband began — “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight.

The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t use because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t use
just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t use because someone at work has a pair the same.”

The husband took a quick breath and continued – “She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

Please … do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?

Comments Off

Balitang Balitang sa sirang Radyo!

Posted on 08 August 2010 by Nikko3300

Balitang Balita sa sirang Radyo!

Airplane nag Crash! lahat patay! Sabi ng mga Survivors!

Dalampasigan Nasunog!

Barko lumubog! hindi natiis lumutang!

Bahay na walang hagdan! Inakyat!

Pandak na Madre! pinag-kamalang PENGUIN!

Comments Off

Advertise Here
...always fresh! --- click here for NEW JOKES!
Advertise Here
jokes unlimited

RSS Recent Comments

More info

PINOYJOKES.NET and its associated domain names including PinoyJokes.org, PinoyJokes.info, TheBestOfPinoyJokes.net, PinoyJokes.mobi, PinoyJokes.Asia, PinoyJokes.ws, MyPinoyJokes.com, ThePinoyJokes.com, Pinoysr.us, and MyPinoyVideos.com are trademarks operated by emanila.com pty ltd. No part of this website should be reproduced without our written permission.