May tatlong magkukumpare na nagpapayabangan.

PARE 1: Naaalala ko si junior ko. Napakagaling na bata. Biruin mo, sariling sikap lang na nakapag-aral sa America. Ngaun abogado na. Sa New York nagtratrabaho. May sarili na siyang Law Firm doon. Huli kong balita kay junior, sa sobrang yaman ng anak ko na yan, binigyan lang ng mercedez benz yung isang kaibigan.

PARE 2: New York ba ikamo? Doon din yung isang panganay ko eh.. Businessman.. Graduate ng Yale. Scholar din siya. Ang dami ngang negosyo ngayon ng batang iyon. Iba-iba. Kaya ako’y proud na proud diyan sa anak ko na ‘yon eh. Gusto talagang makatulong. Yung isang kaibigan niya nga eh, balita ko binigyan niya nung isang apartment sa Manhattan.

PARE 3: (With his head bowed) N-Nakakahiya naman pala sa inyo, mga kumpare. Ako kasi’y pinagbagsakan ng langit at lupa nung nalaman kong ang kaisa-isa kong lalaki ay naturingang bakla. Mangyari’y hindi lang bakla, kundi napakalanding bakla. Ang damuhong iyon, ang huli kong balita ay nangangaliwa pa yata ang hinayupak ng lintek——– dalawa-dalawa pa ang BOYPREN. Pareho kasing mayayaman. Yung isa binigyan siya ng mercedez benz, at yung isa nama’y ibinahay siya sa Manhattan.

Dear Ate Charo,

It’s so hirap talaga to study in UP, the University of the Poor.You know, I never wanted to study here. But my parents kasi, they both went to UP and they said na it was the best school talaga.

Eh ‘di I went. But no! When I got here, Holy horrors! I was ready to make himatay after the first day pa lang.

Would you believe, there’s no aircon na nga in the classrooms, the fan doesn’t work pa. And then this guy who was like, wearing a sando, shorts and tsinelas lang made tabi next to me. He made pakilala pa! The nerve! So I made takbo to the CR to make tago. But I couldn’t make hugas my hands that were so pawis from escaping such a near-death experience. There was no liquid soap! Not even a couch where I could sit to make kikay. Do you feel my pain na ba?

But wait, there’s more. Last Thursday kasi Daddy’s Volvo was bawal, eh the Eclipse was being repaired, so I had to make sakay with my yaya in the Ikot jeep. It was so siksik! I could like, smell the putok of the girl next to me. Like, it was sobrang mabaho talaga. Kasi naman, the Ikot jeeps are old na nga, they’re mainit pa! Sana they make palit na the jeeps with a shuttle system. Okey lang naman even if there’s an increase in pamasahe ‘di ba? So when the car is bawal, I can use my credit card na to make bayad.

Isa pa, you know the Shopping Center? It’s so kadiri talaga. I’m forced na nga to make Xerox there, (as if naman I could be caught in that place otherwise) pero I’m so inis because it’s so maliit and madilim, and most of the stalls don’t have aircon. They should tear it down na and build a mall na lang. Then I wouldn’t have to go to Katipunan pa to get my Starbucks fix.

My gosh, this place is so bulok I don’t know nga why anyone would bother making turo here pa. Just yesterday, my professor was kinda inis kasi her whiteboard marker had no more tinta! Then she tried to make hanap a matino whiteboard marker but of course there was none. Duh! Kasi naman if we had laptops instead of desks in every classroom there would be no more need or whiteboards di ba? But you know even if there were laptops na, the seats are so tigas sometimes I find it mahirap to concentrate. Dapat may cushioning para malambot sa butt, like Downy.Now I’m in my third year na. I don’t want to stay in this place anymore.I don’t give a paki if UP’s the best university here. I’m gonig to transfer to Assumption, where the CRs have liquid soap.

tnx.

The Setting:
Pageant Night Ms. Universe Beauty Pageant Q&A Portion.

The Finalists:
Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Great Britain
Miss Iran
Miss India
Miss Philippines

Question: Ms. America, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. America: Well, I would say that, male organs in America are like gentlemen.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. America: Because it stands everytime it sees a woman.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Spain, how do you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Spain: Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. Spain: Because it charges everytime it sees an opening.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Great Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Great Britain: Male organs in our country are like Shakespearean actors.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. Great Britain: Because it cries after every performance.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in you country?
Ms. Iran: Well, I can say that male organs in our country are like thieves.
Q: Why? Ms. Iran: Because they always enter thru the back door.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. India: A male organ in our country is like a laborer.
Q: Why do you say that?
Ms. India: Because it works day and night.
(Applause..Applause)

Q: Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
Ms. Philippines: Ahh..well, opcors, hi,hi,hi…I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis!
Q: Chismis?
Ms. Philippines: Ayy sorry!!..It’s ano.. Kuwan… It means GOSSIP in our language.
Q: Hmm.. Interesting comparison.. And why do you say that?
Ms. Philippines: Ayy..diyahe!! Hihihi, Kasi… I mean… Because…it passes from mouth to mouth.
(STANDING OVATION)

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password. Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather humorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife’s attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife what he was keying in. “P….E….N….I….S..” His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied: **** PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH*****

“My husband was in an odd mood Saturday night. We planned to meet at a cafe for a drink.

I spent the afternoon shopping with the girls and I thought it might have been my fault because I was a bit later than I promised, but he didn’t say anything much about it.

I don’t remember doing anything to make him upset, but I could tell there was something wrong.

The conversation was quite slow going so I thought we should go off to some place intimate so we could talk more privately. We went to this restaurant and he was STILL acting a bit funny.

I was getting really worried, what did I do? What was bothering him? Was he mad at me? I tried to cheer him up, but started to wonder what was bothering him. Was it me or something else?

I asked him if he was upset with me, he said no. But I wasn’t really sure. So anyway, in the car on the way back home, I said that I loved him deeply and he just put his arm around me.

I didn’t know what the heck that meant because, you know, he didn’t say it back or anything.

We finally got back home and I was wondering if he was going to leave me! So I tried to get him to talk but he just switched on the TV.

Reluctantly, I said I was going to go to bed.

Then after about 10 minutes, he joined me and to my surprise, we made love.

But, he still seemed really distracted, so afterwards I wanted to confront him but didn’t.

I just cried myself to sleep. I don’t know what to do anymore.

I mean, I really think he’s seeing someone else.”

 —- His Side of the Story: –

“Played very badly today — shot 87 – - -can’t putt for ####!….

Felt kinda tired…..

Got laid though.”

Ang dami plang blessngs kpag tumatanda! May SILVER sa buhok GOLD sa ipin STONES sa kidney SUGAR sa dugo OIL sa mukha GAS sa tiyan! At plake sa PUSO…!