Nakabili ng hearing Aid si Botski.

Botski: Pare nakabili ako ng gamot para sa Bingi.

Totski: Anu pangalan ng gamot pare?

Botski: Hearing Aid daw.

Totski: San mo binili?

Botski: Kahapon Lang!

Man:  I think the English name “Eggplant” for our talong is a misnomer.

Woman: Why?

Man:  Because it doesn’t look like an egg.  Its name should be changed!

Woman: What name would you want it changed to?

Man: “Neighbor of the Egg Plant”!

To all: I think you have already read this somewhere in the past. But, should still be fun reading it the second time around. tnx.

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PINOY CONTRACTOR ABROAD

Three contractors are bidding to fix the White House fence.

One from the Philippines , another from Mexico and an American.

They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The American contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. Well,” he says. “I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Mexican contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, “I can do $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me.”

The Filipino contractor doesn’t measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers: “$2,700.”

The official, incredulous, says, “What? You didn’t even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure? How do you expect me to consider your service with that bid??

“Easy,” the Pinoy explains, “$1,000 for you, $1,000 for me and we hire the guy from Mexico “.

The next day, the Pinoy and the Mexican are working on the Fence.

Use SCHOOLING in a sentence. *Ring, ring*…..Hello? Who SCHOOLING?
Use UNO, DOSE, TRES in a sentence. UNO! DOSE TRES are on fire!!!
Use CHICKEN NUT BREAD in a sentence. Aye Jun-Jun, Stop choking your sister! CHICKEN NUT BREAD!
What are the three prides of the Phillipines? Pride fish, pride chicken, and pride rice.
Use TENACIOUS in a sentence. I went to The Athlete’s Foot yesterday to buy a pair of TENACIOUS.
Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence. I went to a party last night. There was so much food pero co-CONTEMPLATE.
Use CURTAIN and KITCHEN in one sentence. Aray! Huwag mo akong CURTAIN. Masa-KITCHEN.
Use PUNCTUATION in a sentence. Daddy, pasukan na next week. Kailangan ko ng PUNCTUATION.
Use GUAVA in a sentence. I just had a haircut. Masa-GUAVA?
Use DEDUCT,DEFENSE, DEFEAT, and DETAIL in a sentence. DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE but DETAIL landed before DEFEAT. Use DEPOSIT in a sentence. Paki-check nga ang banyo. I think DEPOSIT is leaking.
Use PERSUADING in a sentence. Kiko and Kikay got married on June 1, 1992 so on June 1, 1993, they are going to celebrate their PERSUADING anniversary.
Use DEVASTATION in a sentence. I wait for the bus at DEVASTATION every morning.
Use CONCLUSION and OPINION in one sentence. (Pointing to a door): CONCLUSION, hindi OPINION.
Use PAMPERS and PAPERS in one sentence. At the gasoline station, I asked the attendant, “Do I PAMPERS or do I PAPERS?”
Use DIFFERENCE and DIFFERENCES in one sentence. If the royal family has a baby boy, he is called DIFFERENCE; if they have a baby girl, she is called DIFFERENCES.
Use PROTESTANT in a sentence. Apples, oranges, and other fruits can be bought at the PROTESTANT.
Use ANALYZE and ANATOMY in one sentence. My ANALYZE over the ocean so bring back my ANATOMY.
Use IRAQ, IRAN and EGYPT in one sentence. IRAQ is bigger than a stone; IRAN is faster than a walk; and EGYPT is smaller than a truck.
Use INDAY in a sentence. (In your best Whitney Houston voice): INDAAAAAAAAAAY will always love you…ooooooo.
Use ASSOCIATE in a sentence. My dog smelled awful kasi naman pala next to him, ASSOCIATE.
Use DINUGUAN in a sentence. I tried turning on the TV but no matter how many times I tried DINUGUAN.
Use PAUL five times in a sentence. PAUL, be carePAUL; you might PAUL in the swimming PAUL and make a PAUL of yourself.
Use HOSTESS in a sentence. To answer a ringing telephone, you say, “HOSTESS?”
Use CASHEW and SKATE in a sentence. I want to have a tattoo sana CASHEW mukhang ma-SKATE e.
Use CUISINE in a sentence. I hope you studied last night because your teacher might give a surprise CUISINE Math.

(i am a filipino american, i show no disrespect. just for fun)
John Jansen

Q:Ano ang holiday para sa mga ermats (nanay)? A:Mother’s Day

Q:Ano ang holiday para sa mga erpats (tatay)? A:Father’s Day

Q:Ano ang tawag sa holiday para sa mga buntis? A:Labor Day!

Q:Ano ang tawag sa holiday para sa mga binata? A:PALM SUNDAY

John & Marsha decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.”There’s a car being towed from the parking lot” he shouted.

A few moments passed “An ambulance just drove by”A few moments passed. “Looks like the Andersons have company” he called out.

“Matt’s riding a new bike”

“The Coopers are having sex!!”

Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!

Dad cautiously asked “How do you know they are having sex??”

“Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony too”

Q: Pano mo malalaman na may “tangang” pumasok sa loob ng sabungan?
A: Ang dalang panabong ay “itik”.
Q: Pano mo malalaman na may “inutil” sa loob ng sabungan?
A: Pag may pumusta sa itik!
Q: E pano mo malalaman na nasa loob ng sabungan si FG Mike Arroyo?
A: PAG NANALO YUNG ITIK !!

Bagong salta sa America, yung Pinoy ay gustong mag-long distance sa Pilipinas kaya dinayal yung “0 for Operator”.
Operator: AT&T. How may I help you?
Pinoy: Heyloow. Ay wud like to long distans da Pilipins, plis.
Operator: Name of the party you’re calling?
Pinoy: Aybegyurpardon? Can you repit agen plis?
Operator: What is the name of the person you are calling?
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu and sori. Da nname of my calling is Elpidio Abanquel. Sori and tenkyu.
Operator: Please spell out the name of the person you’re calling phonetically.
Pinoy:Yes, tenkyu. What is foneticali?
Operator: Please spell out the letters comprising the name a letter at a time and citing a word for each letter.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Da name of Elpidio Abanquel is Elpidio Abanquel. I will spell his name foneticali. Elpidio: E as in Elpidio, L as in lpidio, p as in pidio, i as in idio, d as in dio, i as in io and o as in o.
Operator: Sir, can you please use English words.
Pinoy: Ah, yes, tenkyu. Abanquel: A as in Airport, B as in Because, A as in Airport agen, N as in… Enemy, Q as in… Cuba, U as in… Europe, E as in… Important and L as in… Elephant.