pilot:report wala na kaming gas at 400mile pa

bago sa landing

head office:o sige  repeat after me our father

in heaven……….

may isang buntis na nag lilihi…

isabela: gusto ko ng itim na mangga?

pedro: wala namang itim na mangga .

(may nakita si pedro sa may  punong mangga. itim na mangga. pilit pitasin ni pedro)

kapre: amang itlog ko yan

1. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

2. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of maths disruption.

3. No matter how much you push the envelope it’ll still be stationery.

4. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

5. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

6. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

7. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”

8. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: “Keep Off the Grass.”

9. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”

10. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

A is for apple, and B is for boat,
That used to be right, but now it won’t float!
Age before beauty is what we once said,
But let’s be a bit more realistic instead.

Now…

The Alphabet

A’s for arthritis;
B’s the bad back,
C’s the chest pains,

perhaps car-d-iac?

D is for dental decay and decline,
E is for eyesight, can’t read that top line!
F is for fissures and fluid retention,
G is for gas which I’d rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure–I’d rather it low;
I is for incisions with scars you can show.
J is for joints, out of socket, won’t mend,
K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L is for libido, what happened to sex?
M is for memory, I forget what comes next.
N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;
O is for osteo, the bones that don’t grow!
P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few,
just give me a pill and I’ll be good as new!
Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?
R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,
T is for Tinnitus; there’s bells in my ears!
U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;
V is for vertigo, that’s “dizzy,” you know.

W is for worry, NOW what’s going ’round?
X is for X ray, and what might be found.
Y is another year I’m left here behind,
Z is for zest that I still have– in my mind.

I’ve survived all the symptoms, my body’s deployed,
And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed!!!

Kumakanta si Erap with his pamangkin…

Erap : put your right feet in, put your left feet out

Pamangkin : Uncle, foot un!

Erap : Ah ganon ba

Muling kumanta si Erap….

Erap : foot your right feet in, foot your left feet out

Tanga 1: oi! pwedeng akyatin mo yung santol tapos pisilin mo para alam natin kung hinog na…

Tanga 2: Sige…

Tanga 1:Anu hinog na?

Tanga 2: OO!!

Tanga 1: Geh, baba ka na dito sungkitin na natin…

hahahah!!

ADAM + EVE

Sex is like mathematics:
Add the bed, minus the lights, subtract the clothes, bring down the panty, divide the legs, be ready to multiply….

FRONTAL LOBE?

Jinggoy: Dad totoo bang may side effect ang Viagra?
Erap…: Tanga, sa harap ang effect niyan hindi sa side.

HEIMLICH MANOEUVRES IN THE DARK

Erap: ‘Doc, I accidentally swallowed a chicken bone!’
Doc.: ‘Is it choking?’
Erap: ‘No, it is Max’s.’
Doc.: ‘I don’t mean ‘Chow King’, I mean, are you choking….’
Erap: ‘No, Doc! Serioso ako, Doc!’

anong kotse ang maarte??

edi HonDUH..

e ung mas maarte?

edi MazDUH..