NAKITA NI PEDRO ANG KANYANG LOLO NAKA-BISEKLETA AT NAPANSIN NIYA NA MAY PUPUNTAHAN ITO!!!

PEDRO:ABA LO!!!!!MUKHANG MAY LAKAD KAYO!!!

LOLO:HINDI MUH B NAKIKITA NAKA-BISEKLETA AKUH!!!

CHINA: NAGLABAS ANG CHINA NG PITBULL!! SAMPUNG LEON NATAKOT!!

US: NAGLABAS ANG US NG BULLDOG!!BENTENG LEON NATAKOT!!

PHILIPPINES: NAKASAKO ANG KANYANG ASO!! AT BIGLANG TINAPON ANG SAKO N MAY LAMANG ASO!!!AT BIGLANG NAWALA LHT NG TAO SA STADIUM MAPA AUDIENCE MAN MAP JUDGES MAP SECURITY MAP LEON!!!

ALM NIYO KUNG BKT NAWALA LHT NG TAO!!!

E KC NMAN UNG ASO NIYA AY ASONG ULOL!!! NAGLALAWAY P ANG KANYANG ASO!!!HAHAHAHAHA!!!

China:tinirador niya ang HElICOPTER!!SUMABOG!!!
US:Tinirador niya ang AIRPLANE!!NATAMAAN ANG PAK PAK LUMANDING SUMABOG!!!

LAST ONE!!!
PHILIPPINES:TUMIRADOR SA LANGIT!!!BIGLANG MAY NAHULOG N MANOK!!!
AT BIGLAN BUMUKAS ANG LANGIT!!!

LUMABAS SI SAN PEDRO!!AT GALIT NA GALIT!!!AT SABI NIYA!!

SAN PEDRO:CNUNG PUMATAY SA MANOK KUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May isang dalagang nautot na bigla,
silyang inupo ay biglang nagiba,
may kaharap siyang sampung binata,
sa bagsik ng utot ay nagsitihaya.

At dahil sa baho ng mala-engkantong utot,
ang bawat tamaan ay namamaluktot,
kaya kayong mga dalaga kung kayo’y uutot,
pakilagay lang sa plastic na supot.

Bow

This is for all the Filipinos out there, and those who are lucky enough to have Filipino friends, those who have Filipino spouses and those who have Filipino next door neighbors.

The story goes like this:

An elderly foreigner lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite food, Filipino Lumpia.

Gathering his remaining strength, he lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands he crawled to the kitchen.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. For there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite food, LUMPIA .

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted Filipino wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture…his parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the lumpia was already in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on to a lumpia,

when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife:

“Git out op here!” she shouted. “dis are por your puneral !”

Isang lalaki ang hinold-up at tinutukan ng baril sa ulo.

Holdaper : Anong gusto mo? ibibigay mo sa akin ang pitaka mo o pasasabugin ko ang ulo mo?

Bart : Pareho lang `yan

Holdaper : Anong pareho lang ?!

Bart : Pareho lang `yang walang laman!

Dude 1 : Dude, alam mo bang may bakla sa tropa natin?

Dude 2 : Ows, talaga? Sino naman `yun?

Dude 1 : Secret lang natin ito, ah!

Dude 2 : Sure dude!

Dude 1 : Ok, sasabihin ko sa iyo, pero sa isang kundisyon…

Dude 2 : Sure dude! Ano `yun?

Dude 1 : Kiss muna!

Anak : Tay! Ano po ba `yung pusa natin.lalaki o babae?

Tatay: Lalaki siguro, anak

Anak : Paano ninyu nasabi `yun?

Tatay : Kasi may bigote.