Nagkita sina Jayson at Justin sa isang bus stop at nag-usap sila. Panay-panay ang kwento ni Justin ng mga problema sa kanyang pamilya.

Hanggang si Jayson ang nagsalita: “Pare, sa tingin mo, nakakaloko ang mga problema mo sa pamilya mo? Tingnan mo naman ang sitwasyon ko:”

“Ilang taon na ang nakararaan, nakilala ko ang isang biyuda na may isang dalagang anak. Nagpakasal kami, kaya nagkaroon ako ng isang stepdaughter. Hindi nagtagal, pinakasalan ng tatay ko ang stepdaughter ko.”

“Kaya ang nangyari, ang stepdaughter ko ay stepmother ko rin, at ang tatay ko ay stepson ko rin. Ang misis ko ay naging mother-in-law ng kanyang father-in-law. Biyenang babae ng kanyang biyenang lalaki, ika nga.”

“Ang anak na babae ng aking asawa, ang aking stepmother, ay nagkaroon ng anak na lalaki. Ang sanggol na ito ay half-brother ko dahil anak siya ng aking ama. Pero dahil anak siya ng anak ng aking asawa, apo siya ng aking asawa. Kaya lolo ako ng aking kapatid sa ama.”

“Okey pa sana ito, hanggang nagkaroon kami ng asawa ko ng isang anak na lalaki. Ang half-sister ng aking anak, ang aking stepmother, ay lola rin niya. Kaya ang tatay ko ay brother-in-law ng aking anak, na ang stepsister ay asawa ng aking anak.”

“Kung gayon, ako ay brother-in-law ng aking stepmother. Ang asawa ko ay tiyahin ng sarili niyang anak. Ang anak ko ay pamangkin ng aking ama, at ang sarili ko ay lolo ko!!!!!

O, hindi ka ba nahilo?

This is one email that I would like to share. Not actually a Filipino joke, but am sure you will also enjoy these jokes too.

The jokes are about Kulula Airline which has its head office situated in Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight “safety lecture” and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

——————————————————————–

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, “People, people we’re not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!”

—o0o—

On another flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

We saw crazy answers given by contestants in beauty pageants; here are some now from game shows:

1. Q: “Ano sa Tagalog ang teeth?” A: “Utong!”

2. Q: “Kung ang light ay ilaw, ano naman ang lightning?” A: “Umiilaw!”

3. Q: “Kung vegetarian ang tawag sa kumakain ng gulay, ano ang tawag sa kumakain ng tao? A: “Humanitarian? ”

4. Q: “Sina Michael at Raphael ay mga.” A: “Ninja?” Continue Reading

Found this in my mailbox. Just sharing….

The following questions were set in last year’s GED examination.

These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)……. …..and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Continue Reading

I am sure you have seen this in some toilets:

“Here I sit,
All broken hearted
came to shit,
but only farted.
Then one day I took a chance;
went to fart, and shit my pants!”

O kaya, eto: Continue Reading

A priest is hearing confessions one afternoon when he  has to go to the bathroom. He calls janitor over to take his place. The janitor resists saying he  isn’t a Catholic or a priest and will not know what to say. The priest assures him that everything will be fine if he just follows the chart in the confessional.

“If someone comes in and says they have stolen, you tell them to say two Hail Mary’s Continue Reading

1. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

2. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of maths disruption.

3. No matter how much you push the envelope it’ll still be stationery.

4. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

5. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

6. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

7. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, “You stay here, I’ll go on a head.”

8. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: “Keep Off the Grass.”

9. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, “No change yet.”

10. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

ADAM + EVE

Sex is like mathematics:
Add the bed, minus the lights, subtract the clothes, bring down the panty, divide the legs, be ready to multiply….

FRONTAL LOBE?

Jinggoy: Dad totoo bang may side effect ang Viagra?
Erap…: Tanga, sa harap ang effect niyan hindi sa side.

HEIMLICH MANOEUVRES IN THE DARK

Erap: ‘Doc, I accidentally swallowed a chicken bone!’
Doc.: ‘Is it choking?’
Erap: ‘No, it is Max’s.’
Doc.: ‘I don’t mean ‘Chow King’, I mean, are you choking….’
Erap: ‘No, Doc! Serioso ako, Doc!’