A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said:”Your first job will be to sweep out the store”. “But I’m a university graduate,” the young man replied indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know that,” said the manager. “Here, give me the broom – I’ll show you how.”

I don’t normally forward or share emails like this. But this is an exception. Here goes:

———
This has got to be one of the cleverest E-mails I’ve received in awhile. Someone out there is deadly at Scrabble.
(Wait till you see the last one)!

DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM

PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER

ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER

DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES: !
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS

SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES – LET’S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z ‘S

A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
I’M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER

Yep! Someone with waaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands! (Probably a son-in-law)

A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and says: “Miss, I’d like a green parrot, please.” The salesgirl looks at him and asks: “Sir…, are you a La Sallite, by any chance?” The La Sallite replies: “O… bakit mo naman natanong ‘yan? If I ordered BLUE cheese, would you ask me if I were from Ateneo? I don’t think so. If I bought a MAROON shirt, would you ask me if I were from UP? I think not. So why then, when I want to buy a GREEN parrot, do you ask me if I’m from La Salle???” “Sir.. kasi naman…” replied the salesgirl, “this is a flower shop, eh.”

hehe!

Not exactly Pinoy jokes, but I thought I share these with you. I received them as part of my friend’s Birthday greetings to me.

Grandma and Grandson #1

“My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday.
He asked me how old I was, and I told him, ’62.’ He was quiet for a
moment, and then he asked, ‘Did you start at 1?”

Grandma and Grandson #2

“When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, ‘I’m
not sure.’ ‘Look in your underwear, Grandma,’ he advised. ‘Mine says
I’m 4 – 6.”

Joke # 15: THE WIFE

Sa isang party. Sabi ng isang Ambassador to Erap, ‘I haven’t met your wife. Where is she?’

Napadaan si First Lady Loi. Sabi ni Erap, ‘Oh, my wife just passed away.’

Joke #16: CEASEFIRE

ERAP to MILF : Sumuko na kayo!

MILF: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.

ERAP : Tama na! Tuloy ang giyera.

Joke #16: AIR PRESSURE

Pa-landing na ang presidential plane. Napansin ng stewardess na parang sumasakit ang tenga ni President Erap dahil sa air pressure kaya lumapit ito.

‘Sir, chewing gum para hindi sumakit ang tenga ninyo sa flight,’ sabi ng stewardess.

Tinanggap ni Erap ang chewing gum. Ilang sandali pa, lumapag na ang eroplano. Kinausap ni Erap ang stewardess.

‘Miss, paano ko tatanggalin ang chewing gum sa tenga ko?’ tanong nito.

Joke #17: PASALOAD

ERAP: Loi, pasahan mo nga ako ng 2 my importante lang akong itetext. ~ LOI: (P2 send)

ERAP: (message received) OK!! got it thanks! ~

LOI: Tanga! wag ka ng magreply, Sayang!! ~

ERAP: ok!

Joke #18: INFORMATION

Erap: Hello, I will like to inquire how long is the flight to San Francisco ?

Operator: Just a minute sir…

Erap: Thank you! (klik).

Joke #8: SAVE

FVR, Cory and Erap, are about to be executed in front of a firing squad. Each of them is blindfolded and given the chance to call upon the forces of nature to save them. The executioner starts the countdown: ’10, 9, 8,….’.

FVR shouts, ‘Flood!’. In a sudden, a big wave came. FVR was able to escape because of the commotion.

It’s Cory’s turn. She shouts: ‘Earthquake! ‘. The people watching the execution panicked. She was able to escape.

Erap was wondering what calamity to call. The executioner started counting again: ’10, 9, 8, 7….’. Erap had a mental block. ’5, 4, 3, 2, 1…’

Erap shouted: ‘Fire!’.

Joke #9: ERAP IN LIBRARY

Erap in Library

‘What time does the library open?’ Erap on the phone asked.

‘Nine A.M. ‘ came the reply. ‘And what’s the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?’

‘Not until nine A.M.?’ Erap asked in a disappointed voice.

‘No, not till nine A.M.!’ the librarian said.

‘Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?’

‘ha, who said I wanted to get in?’ Erap sighed sadly. ‘I want to get out!’

Joke #10: IN LABOR

One particular day many years ago, Erap’s wife was having labor pains.

Erap panicked so he called their doctor.

Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!

Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?

Erap: Yes, doc!

Doc: Is this the first baby?

Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!

Joke #11: ANOTHER EXAMPLE

Teacher: (talking to ERAP) Can you give me an example of a beast of burden?

ERAP: Carabao, ma’am! Teacher: Very good, ERAP. Can you give another example?

ERAP: How about another Carabao?

Joke #12: TESTING

As Erap’s Driver test drive it.

Driver to Erap: Sir, pweding pakitingin kung umiilaw yung parking light as driver switches on the parking light)

Erap: OK, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir, yung headlights, umiilaw ba? (as driver switches on the headlights)

Erap: OK rin, its ON! Gumagana.

Driver: Sir yung signal light pakitingin? (as driver switches on the signal light)

Erap: Gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw, ay gumagana, ay ayaw…….

Joke #13: WA CLASS

Reporter to Erap alighting from a PAL flight: ‘Mr. President, what can you say about the economy?’

Erap: ‘I don’t know, kasi nasa first class ako.’

Joke #14: KAMUKHA DAW

Jingoy: Dad, sabi nila pagnakaharap ako kamukha ko si Jose Rizal, pag-nakaside view kamukha ko naman si Manuel Roxas. Anong ibig sabihin yon?

Erap: Mukha kang pera.

Hi

All these years ERAP has been the subject of ridicule by way of the jokes written about him. I know ERAP is smart yet he has been satirized as thought he is so dumb. In a way he also spiced our lives in so many different ways including all the jokes about him. Here are some nice jokes my niece just sent me from the Phils. If this is your first time to read it laugh heartily, if not laugh anyway.

Jgly / Daly City
————

Joke # 1: Sa panliligaw ni Erap, mahili g siyang sumulat ng coded love messages tulad ng:

ITALY – I truly adore and love you

SASAYA – Stay as Sweet as you are

Para lalong bumilib and kanyang nililigawan, sinikap niyang gumawa ng ‘love letter’ na gamit ang alphabet:

ABC – Always be careful

DEF – Don’t Ever forget

GHI – Go Home Immediately

JKLM – Just Keep Loving Me

NOPQRSTUVW – No One Perfectly Quite Romantic Should Treat U Very=2 0Well Napa-whew at pinagpawisan si Erap. Tatlong titik na lang and natitira…XYZ.

Pinag-isipan ito nang husto ni Erap. Makalipas ang oras, napangiti siya at pinalakpakan ang kanyang sarili bago sinulat ang:

XYZ – Xee You Zoon!!

Joke #2: FRIES

Kumain sa isang sosyal na restaurant sina Erap at FVR. ‘Give me Swiss Steak and French Fries’ order ni FVR sa ingles.

‘And you Sir? tanong ng waiter.

‘The same, Give me sweepstake and first prize, too’ sagot ni Erap.

Joke #3: GROUP

Erap was asked if a group of birds is called a flock of bird, and a group of fish is called a school of fish, and a group of wolves is called a pack of wolves, then what do you call a group of dogs?

Erap: Madali lang yan, anong akala ninyo sa akin tanga! Di anser is ‘asociation’ .

Joke #4: BRIDGE

Nagpunta si Erap sa England at nag-meet sila ng prime minister.

Habang kumakain, nagtanong ang prime minister.

‘Is San Juanico Bridge the longest bridge in the Philippines ?’

‘Yes,’ mabilis na sagot ni Erap saka biglang nag-isip ng maitatanong din, ‘Ah… Is London Bridge falling down?’

Joke #5: ANONG GATAS?

‘Ang gatas ko noong baby ako, Lactum,’ kuwento ni Marcos sa ibang presidente.

‘Ah ako, Enfalac, ‘yun ang mahal, eh,’ sagot ni Cory.

‘Ako, Lactogen, kaya ganito ako katalino,’ sabi ni Ramos.

‘Ikaw, Erap, ano ang iniinom mo noon?’ tanong ng tatlo. ‘Ano yata Lactacyd.’

Joke #6: ALLEGATIONS

In a cabinet meeting ERAP (galit na galit) :

THERE HAS BEEN A LOT OF ALLEGATIONS THESE DAYS AND I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO THE ‘ALLIGATORS’ ARE.

Joke #7: The most intell igent ‘presidentiable’

Miriam Santiago, has challenged the least intelligent presidentiable to a televised debate. To make things interesting, Miriam says that every time she asks Erap a question which he cannot answer, Erap has to pay Miriam five pesos. BUT if Erap asks Miriam a question which she cannot answer, Miriam has to give Erap five thousand pesos.

Miriam asks the first question: ‘What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?’ Erap doesn’t say a word, reaches for his wallet, pulls out a five-peso bill and hands it to Miriam.

Now, it’s his turn. He asks Miriam: ‘What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?’ Miriam looks at him with a puzzled look.

She whips out her laptop computer and searches all her references. She taps into the phone with her modem and searches the Net. Frustrated, she sends E-mails to all her aides, assistants, and friends. All to no avail.

After over an hour, she admits defeat and hands Erap five 1000-peso bills. Erap says nothing, but politely accepts the P5,000 and turns away to go home.

Miriam is a poor sport and demands from Erap, ‘Well, so what IS the answer!?’

Without a word, Erap pulls out his wallet and gives Miriam another five pesos….

For all those men who say …”Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.” Here’s an update for you!! Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why … ??? Because women realize it’s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.