A wife sends her husband to a grocery store:

“And don’t forget to buy the milk, do you hear me?!”

“I hear you…”

“And take the low fat one, don’t mix up!”

“Take it easy, I won’t…”

“And don’t buy wine instead, like you did the last time, do you remember?!”

“Of course I remember…”

“And no beer, like the time before that, do you get it?!”

“I do, I do….”

“Well, go then!”

Ten minutes later in the grocery store:

“What did she tell me to buy – was it wine or beer? Oh, well, I’ll better take both, just in case.”

Two friends meet: 

„I bought scottish shepherd yesterday and he has scared all my neighbours already!“ 

„He is barking too loud, isn´t he?“

„He doesn´t bark at all! But his kilt and bagpipes…“